my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
