I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
