sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
