I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
