he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
