farters have to be the big spoon...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
