Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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