fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
