i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
