So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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