He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
