apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
