He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
