It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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