his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
