Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
