Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
