Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
