I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
