My cat gives me a boner
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
