farters have to be the big spoon...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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