Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You may now shotgun with the bride
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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