He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
