apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
