if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
