so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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