Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
