Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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