My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My Sexting was not on an AP level
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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