in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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