Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
