I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
