Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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