So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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