woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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