I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
