On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My bed smells like the plague
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
