Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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