my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
