I love black thongs
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
