Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
