That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
