So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
