He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
