so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
