carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
