i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
