Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
