i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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