Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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