I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
